The Slavic Empire of Cheezaslovakia is a colossal, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Tzar Krastyo Czjzek with an even hand, and notable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, infamous sell-swords, and smutty television. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless, devout population of 5.771 billion Cheezaslovakians enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases.

The medium-sized, corrupt government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Industry, Administration, and Education are also considered important, while International Aid and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Warsaw. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 91.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Cheezaslovakian economy, worth a remarkable 1,805 trillion Rubles a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Gambling, and Retail. Average income is an amazing 312,868 Rubles, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,034,475 per year while the poor average 70,736, a ratio of 14.6 to 1.

Leather-clad individuals can be seen walking their slaves in public parks, radio shows frequently feature people denouncing religion, children crying over dropped ice creams are offered high doses of experimental antidepressants, and the government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene. Crime is pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Cheezaslovakia's national animal is the White-Tailed Eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Cheezaslovakia is ranked 284,327^th in the world and 310^th in KAISERREICH for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring -16.43 on the Clooney Contribution Index.