The Confederation of Cowland5 is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Chancellor Evangeline Holme-Grayson with a fair hand, and renowned for its multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, ban on automobiles, and devotion to social welfare. The democratic, humorless population of 34.591 billion Cowlandians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cowtopolis. The average income tax rate is 91.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Cowlandian economy, worth a remarkable 5,385 trillion francs a year, is highly specialized and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology and Tourism. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 155,682 francs, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Little kids often wonder why strange grown-ups are following them around the soft play areas, Jennifer Government is a bestseller, Brown Sugar 101 is a popular course at community colleges, and fake designer clothes are shredded and burnt while many in the world don't have a shirt on their back. Crime is totally unknown. Cowland5's national animal is the cow, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Cowland5 is ranked 72,102^nd in the world and 56^th in Canada for Most Subsidized Industry, scoring 2,592.92 on the Gilded Widget Scale.