The Constitutional Monarchy of El-Ionia is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Higness Konstantinos Katakouzinos with an iron fist, and notable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, pith helmet sales, and smutty television. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 9.076 billion El-Ionians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of New Athena. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 89.7%.

The frighteningly efficient El-Ionian economy, worth a remarkable 1,362 trillion Gulls a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Information Technology. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 150,172 Gulls, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 446,513 per year while the poor average 39,597, a ratio of 11.3 to 1.

Some El-Ionians have nicknamed the monarch "Caligula", property subletting is going underground, at the edge of the final frontier space's biggest missile platform is about to unfold, and the government violently suppresses separatist movements. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. El-Ionia's national animal is the Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is ☦ Greek Christian Orthodox ☦.

El-Ionia is ranked 103,459^th in the world and 58^th in Geopolity for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring 208.94 on the Clooney Contribution Index.