The Armed Republic of Kahooner is a huge, efficient nation, renowned for its enslaved workforce, ubiquitous missile silos, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 716 million Kahoonerians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The relatively small, moralistic government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Industry, and Education also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Welfare receive no funds. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 9.3%.

The powerhouse Kahoonerian economy, worth 69.8 trillion Breadsticks a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is 97,542 Breadsticks, with the richest citizens earning 5.7 times as much as the poorest.

Kahooner has designated Kahooner City as its capital city, referenda are banned by law and the Parliament has absolute control of the legislative process, the cruise missile launchers on the field hospital roof are purely deterrent in purpose, and child adoption by homosexual couples has been outlawed. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kahooner's national animal is the Hound, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Kahooner is ranked 124,534^th in the world and 786^th in Europeia for Safest, scoring 70.84 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.