The Constitutional Monarchy of Malion is a massive, safe nation, ruled by Alaina Cambridge with an even hand, and renowned for its anti-smoking policies, ubiquitous missile silos, and smutty television. The compassionate, hard-working, cheerful population of 3.343 billion Malionians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cenaki. The average income tax rate is 93.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Malionianese economy, worth 617 trillion Malionese dollars a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Retail. Average income is an impressive 184,776 Malionese dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Most people suffer from some form of hearing loss, Alaina Cambridge's office has a newly installed Max-Man arcade game programmed by a 5th-grader, jabbing a baby's bottle at officials gets parents waved straight through immigration, and Alaina Cambridge often plays real life games of Tower Defense against hordes of angry villagers. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Malion's national animal is the Parrot, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Malion is ranked 7,113^th in the world and 17^th in United Kingdom for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring 2,249.1 on the Clooney Contribution Index.