The Indivisible Commonwealth of Oldgrind is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by Chief GigaLad with an iron fist, and renowned for its ubiquitous missile silos, sprawling nuclear power plants, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 4.217 billion Oldgrindians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized government prioritizes Defense, although Education, Law & Order, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Welfare and Spirituality are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Big City Lights. The average income tax rate is 42.0%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The strong Oldgrindian economy, worth 253 trillion superchats a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Automobile Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 60,172 superchats, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The doctor has cold hands, forest fires have dropped dramatically as there are hardly any forests left, former arms manufacturing CEOs are now delivering food for minimum wage, and one tree's worth of paperwork accompanies each imported log of timber. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Oldgrind's national animal is the angry possum, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is sensible media critique.

Oldgrind is ranked 58,558^th in the world and 1^st in Stagonia for Most Patriotic, with 24.02 flags saluted per person per day.