The United Socialist States of Zaratov is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Supreme Kommissar Sovyetskaga-Soyuza with an iron fist, and notable for its compulsory military service, ubiquitous missile silos, and state-planned economy. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 14.44 billion Zaratovians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government is effectively ruled by the Department of Defense, with Law & Order and Education also on the agenda, while Spirituality and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Derzhost. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Zaratovian economy, worth a remarkable 8,084 trillion Rubles a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, quite specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 559,864 Rubles, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Police drones follow every suspected Peeping Tom, everyone suspects that everyone else is a terrorist, professionals are ready to retire by the time they receive permission to use their credentials, and the "swords to plowshares" policy has created a generation of farmers that can kill a yak from 200 yards away. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Zaratov's national animal is the Great Gray Owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is State Atheism.

Zaratov is ranked 272,881^st in the world and 366^th in The Leftist Assembly for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring -10.49 on the Clooney Contribution Index.