Volaworand wrote:

To all those who have had the misfortune to imbibe the letter H’s dangerous, appalling outbursts, I have one thing to say: The letter H has hitched itself to the wagon of Junkerism. Before I begin talking about specifics, let me just mention that I’m not afraid of the letter H. However, I am concerned that it seems to be involved in a number of illegal or borderline-illegal activities. For the letter H and its famuli, tax evasion and financial chicanery are scarcely outside the norm. Even financial fraud and thievery seem to be okay. What’s next? Diminishing society’s inducements to good behavior? I can say only that the letter H backstabs its secret agents. If you don’t understand that simple fact then you haven’t a clue as to why it has been shanking the working class in the back to keep the cash spigots flowing. Fortunately, I can provide a simple explanation: The letter H does not just offend our ears and our sensibilities. It also makes possible the acts of violence and hatred we’re seeing play out in our country today. Stick your nose into anything the letter H has written recently, and you’ll get a good whiff of pertinacious egoism. Before the letter H spews any more psychoanalytical drivel, let me assure it that when available data from independent sources fail to bolster its claim that sexism and Satanism are identical concepts, the letter H invariably avers that the data exist out there somewhere and are being suppressed. In reality, the most trustworthy data indicate that the letter H has one-upped George Washington in that it cannot tell a lie and cannot tell the truth. Basically, it’s too self-satisfied to distinguish between the two.

I have the following advice for the letter H: If you can’t manage to be grateful for all the things we’ve done for you, at least have a little dignity, don’t whine, and don’t expect to be treated like a fragile doll just because you have a theatrically hypersensitive soul and delusions of entitlement. Having eviscerated from its local community all notions of fairness, equality, and justice, the letter H has recently taken to fortifying a social correctness that restricts experience and defines success with narrow boundaries. Doing so is clear evidence that it is not interested in what is true and what is false or in what is good and what is evil. In fact, those distinctions have no meaning to it whatsoever. The only thing that has any meaning to the letter H is frotteurism. Why? The bigger question is the following: Aren’t the letter H’s morals an existential expression of Man’s tragic separation, his awful estrangement, and his terrible sinfulness? It is only when one has an answer to that question is it possible to make sense of the letter H’s sermons because the letter H has never satisfactorily proved its assertion that it should be a given a direct pipeline to the national treasury. It has merely justified that assertion with the phrase, Because I said so.

There’s a lot of talk nowadays about the letter H’s raffish opinions but not much action. Just between you and me, on several occasions I have heard the letter H state that its faith in alcoholism gives it an uncanny ability to detect astral energy and cosmic vibrations. I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a comment. What I consider far more important though is that the letter H wants to mobilize support for the special interests that dominate state and private activity. That’s indisputably a formula for repression and resentment and will lead to it distorting the facts in the near future. If we intend to defend democracy, we had best learn to recognize its primary enemy and not be afraid to stand up and call it by name. That name is the letter H.