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Breaking news
Cookies cause a thermonuclear war
(april fools post)
Pantsvilles death star has been circling hansa for hours, aiming on bakeries, and farms, preparing to wipe the cookies off of the hansa plane, meanwhile the pantsvillean homeland has been left unprotected because the lack of cookies lead to 90% of the military resining
**VTV Visayan Television**
April Fools Post
Earlier this morning, reports have come out of Telidar, where nine people have allegedly been infected with a virus that slowly turns them into otters. The Telidar health department has ordered a lockdown of the city and nine of its suburbs to contain the spread of this alleged otter virus as a federal investigation has been launched into its origins and nature of spread. 🦦
Hitting what?
Somehow managed to hold the 1st place in the world for the most effort Wonder for like half an hour (and 10th in most impressive)
really? that's interesting, i'm too busy solving the puzzles to look at the leaderboards lol
Got way too repetitive too quickly, especially since nobody knows yet how to get rarer materials
My stone yield has been especially disappointing, really
I am being EXTREMELY unlucky with metal, got a 5 yield 3 times in a row
Haha I tried one puzzle and forgot about the whole thing.
It’s too demanding for my innocent brain.
My stone was 1 at a time, lol
nevermind, I guess i was actually being pretty lucky
April Fools Joke that I forgot to post?
Part IV
NUKES!
It is a period of nuclear war.
Hansan spaceships, striking
from a hidden base, have
won their first victory
against the evil **Pantsvillager
Empire.**
During the battle, rebel
spies managed to steal
secret plans to the PANTSVILLE
ultimate weapon, the
DEATH STAR, an armored space
station with enough
power to destroy an entire
planet.
Pursued by the Pantsvillager
sinister agents, President
Aeur races home aboard her
starship, to the great nation of Almafi, The only ones that can train the Hansans in the art of Baking that can save
her people and restore
freedom to the ~~galaxy~~ Hansa Federation....
Part V
PANTSVILLE STRIKES BACK
It is a dark time for the
Hansa. Although the Death
Star has been destroyed,
Pantsvillager troops have driven the
Hansan forces from their hidden
base and pursued them across
Lands End.
Evading the dreaded Pantsvillager Prime, a group of freedom
fighters led by Hadrian Aeur
has established a new secret
base on the remote ice world
of Tayichi.
The evil lord Pantsville,
obsessed with finding young
Aeur, has dispatched
thousands of remote probes into
the far reaches of space...
March Shareholder's Proteleriat's Times
4-2-24
Important!I had a vision last night, in which, I was collectively told by the likes of Karl Marx, Vladimir Lenin, and Fidel Castro, that my capitalist practices in Lands End were an abomination against the proletariat. They kept calling me a bunch of other big words like "bourgeois" and "pig". As one would be, I was scarred mentally. In order to get over the scarring, I have decided to rid myself of capitalist sin, and officially convert the Lands End Corporation, to the Lands End Soviet Socialist Republic or LESSR. the LESSR has reformed itself to be a worker-cooperative, headed by yours truly as premier. We still act within the practice of workplace democracy (not to be confused with evil capitalist democracy). We have modified our other positions in response, and I hope to usher in a new era for Lands End. Thank you for listening, and my one wish is to remember our motto, "eQuality over eQuantity." (Please note this is an April fool's joke)
News
Blah
Not much happened generally in Lands End in March other than the update of the newsroom, so I decided to do a food review. I decided to review hot dogs because hot dogs are a staple of American cuisine. I will give hot dogs a 9/10 because hot dogs are pretty great. You can put almost anything on it which makes it a very well-rounded food. The only reason that the hot dog is not a 10/10 food, is because they are pretty gross when you think about it. Thanks for reading this utterly useless paragraph.
World Assembly News
Passed GA proposals:
Repeal: “Food And Drug Standards”
Standardized Passport Arrangements
Prisoner Financial Rights
Ban On Sexual Abuse Of Animals
Statistical Data Practice
Education And Availability Of Basic Medical Devices
Airline Safety And Comfort DisclosuresPassed SC proposals:
Liberate Lux Immortalem
Repeal: “Commend Yohannes”
Repeal: “Liberate Realm Of The Whispering Winds”
March Roleplay News By: Pantsville and North-Bardonia
Mangaterra News, Sports
Hello it’s North-Bardoniahere reporting the news of Magnaterra and the Juzinia Continents alongside Sports in Lands End!
Starting off with Magnaterra we have had a quiet news month with only two major events happening:
-First beginning this month the Taeatanist nations around the world began celebrating the Holy Month of Ramadan. Eshallias Grand Council of Imans has proclaimed the beginning of the Holy Month and Eshallia itself begins shutting down to conform with the month long fasting period of the Holy Month.
-In less happy news North Bardonian Airliner LA-297 has disappeared over the Penitusian Sea and the beginnings of an investigation and search for the Aircraft has begun. Hopes for recovery of all passengers alive descends as the clock till no fuel ticks down.
Juzinia remains rather quiet with no major new news coming from the region. We can only wonder what is going on in the Juzinian Continent.
-With the exception of a brief report on Q1 of the Pantsville Economy showing the growth of the Economy in the first quarter of 2024.
Onto Sports:
-Early this month the International Sail Grand Prix in Gemstone Island brought an upset victory for the Tayichi team who has now narrowly pulled ahead of North Bardonia in the rankings leading by one point! Now again at the end of March we saw BBR snatch up second from North Bardonia and win at home in Wilmonts Port, at last we have a very close three way race that will get more and more interesting as the season continues.
-In Tussia the Republican Premier League kicks off and we hope to see and interesting season and results coming from the Football League as it begins and wonder what upsets will happen this season. We can only dream of the results.
That’s Sports, Magnaterra and Juzinian News for the Month of March in the world of Lands Ends.
Amnis News
Civil War Rages on in Ethniopa
Unfortunately, Ethniopa has continued to be faced with strife, as a Sturmist revolution has kicked up in the country. The Sturmist have gained substantial support and have formed various militias in parts of the country, with most taking up areas in the center of the country. The Free Worker's Zone or FWZ has begun to support these revolutionaries by sending arms, and a few troops to help fight. Before this, Terra Argo entered the western part of the Ethniopa, announcing the set up of a "buffer zone." Terra Argo has also announced its intent to support Ethniopa in the areas it has occupied. Members of IDA, have decided that this was a massive overstep and have imposed sanctions on Terra Argo, along with hatching plans to support Ethniopian citizens where they can. Citizens in Ethniopa have risen against the current monarchy, calling for the encouragement of ceasefire talks with the sturmist militias. The most recent wave of protests led to a bloody massacre carried out by the monarchy's troops, leaving 300 dead.
Fire Fight in Bonnie Blue Republic
The BBR Marshals' service was called out to deal with a firefight happening near concerta county, leading to an emergency landing. The firefight was found to be connected with a series of gruesome murders in the BBR.
Elections in Staggfort
The Mathetist Conservative/Social Union has accumulated a plurality of votes in their elections, getting 70/150 seats in government. This means they have created a new government. They will celebrate a large loss of 10 seats from their opposition Labour and Alliance of 90 Labour Unions.
Troubles in saellue
After an attack on the monarchy in Saellue, the country has gone through a process of completely closing off the country and fortifying its coasts, more information about the country's plans will continue to come in.
Borealia and Crepuscula News
Silver Jubilee of Emperor Akiko Of Tayichi
Tayichi celebrated a 25-year reign of Emporer Akiko in March, along with the Emporers 80th birthday. The celebration saw military performances and loads of fireworks being set off at the Shuto Imperial Palace. One million people lined up to hear the Emporer give a speech at the Shogungosho Obelisk.
Ethnic Tensions grow in Pais-Sukoku
Pais-Sukoku is known for its multi-cultural history, having a large population of both native Sukoki among other Borealians, and Amnisians. Unfortunately, ethnic tensions over the past few decades have led to loads of instances of racially backed violence being committed in Pais-Sukoku. The group at the center of this violence has often been Biggonian Immigrants, as many Sukoki nationalists see them as the "threat" to the nation, due to the prominence of the biggonian mafia growing in Pais-Sukoku. Since this, Sukoki Nationalists and the Biggonian Mafia have been trading blows with each other across Pais-Sukoku, leading to the deaths of several innocent people in Pais-Sukoku. On March 6th a large biggonian community was Ransacked, leaving hundreds injured and 4 people killed. The Soc-Dem government has been slow in condemning the incidents, as they do not want to betray the West Sukoki voter base.
Quote of the month
Comic
Thank you for reading this last edition of the Shareholders' Times with me at the helm, please remember to upvote and keep reading in the next coming months!
Aviation Disappearance
We interrupt this broadcast for a speech from the Minister of Aviation, Tomas Geldtvoorn:
“Good Afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen. I come here to day to address to the March 31st disappearance of LA-297. We at the ministry have been working tirelessly to investigate and find a solution to this mystery. It has been three days since the crash, and without credible evidence to suggesting that LA-297 or any survivors have reached land, it is with a heavy heart that I and the rest of the investigative crew have made the difficult decision to transition from a rescue to a recovery mission” *Cries and screams can be heard in the background* “The Prosecutor-General of North Bardonia alongside the security police and military have opened a criminal investigation into the disappearance to rule out foul play. Additional assets have expanded the search area to include the entirety of the central and eastern Vabasian Strait. We hope to announce further details later this evening. Thank you. We will not be taking questions at this time.”
This concludes this Broadcast.
Why are we communist? Are we stupid?
Deims Kir, Pantsville, and Napolnia
You wouldn't believe what happened yesterday...
We are the most liberated region of course! Down with the bourgouueauoisse!
The Three Fronts - Part V
2/12/24
The DPTC had assembled their troops in the north and south. They were hoping with all that manpower they had gathered to squeeze them out effectively. The DPTC wanted to unify the mainland. They would set up the front lines in both Sanatō and Līnu. Līnu was much more of a safer city than the Kolēpoan Coast.
The TM were unaware of these fronts forming. They were expecting for a sweep of the land. Kupatē had sent most of his troops to the north. It would be really bad for them, but at the time they thought the DPTC were weak and not in a great position. They were not prepared for the war ahead.
The KGF investigated the whole islands for Kīto. The island was huge compared to Kahilo, but it there was only so many places he could be. The island was mostly uninhibited. He would have been dead if he was out in the wilderness. There was a chance he was on a homestead, but it does not feel kingly to the KGF. It would stay in the back of their minds though.
The junta and the rest of the KGF were on their way to Kittakat and then Ciyu Island. Kittakat had a port town, even if it was small. They would fuel up at this small port and then go to Ciyu Island. Kittakat didn't have much in terms of places Kīto could be unlike Ciyu Island. Two KGF personnel decided to stay on Kittakat to question the locals and tribespeople that weren't affiliated with anyone.
April Fools!
I have the same question. If this communist rebranding isn't reversed, I will leave Lands End.
See below, the above post is repeated for your convenience:
We tend to drag things like this out for a bit.
North-Bardonia and Kavian
bourgouueauoisse
Why would you want to be overcome by the evils of capitalism willingly?
Such shameful
such bad response! WE live to be free from capitalist fiends!!!!!!!!!!
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