The I am a Goose Hjonk Hjonk of Cyptopir is a massive, safe nation, ruled by Julianne Rivers with an even hand, and notable for its parental licensing program, public floggings, and rampant corporate plagiarism. The devout population of 1.036 billion Cyptopiriots are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Grønnheim. The average income tax rate is 74.9%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Cyptopiriot economy, worth 103 trillion Euros a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, and Tourism. Average income is 99,663 Euros, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Billions are being spent on a new island airport, Cyptopiriot police have to pay out of their own pockets for bulletproof vests, babies living in poverty are told to take responsibility for their own fortunes, and the government has declined to declare any particular religion as its 'official' one. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cyptopir's national animal is the Phoenix, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Secular.

Cyptopir is ranked 121,088^th in the world and 2,985^th in the Rejected Realms for Most Primitive, scoring -35.56 on the Scary Big Number Scale.