The Republic of Harpsford is a massive, socially progressive nation, ruled by The Righteous Scacred Beaver with an even hand, and renowned for its parental licensing program, compulsory military service, and ubiquitous missile silos. The compassionate population of 2.112 billion Harpsfordians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Beavertonfieldville. The average income tax rate is 61.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Harpsfordian economy, worth 137 trillion Used Condoms a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Cheese Exports, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 65,117 Used Condoms, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Aggravated apostrophe abusers are admonished and assaulted, people are turning themselves into worm food, newspapers are running a front-page picture of The Righteous Scacred Beaver holding a crowbar and standing over a bloodied stockbroker, and whipping posts and lashes have been transferred to the Historical Museum of Harpsfordian Embarrassments. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Harpsford's national animal is the Beaver, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Glorification of The Sacred Beaver.

Harpsford is ranked 220,222^nd in the world and 8,246^th in Osiris for Highest Disposable Incomes, with 25,330.67 Standard Monetary Units.