The Republic of Harpsford is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by The Righteous Scacred Beaver with an even hand, and remarkable for its zero percent divorce rate, compulsory military service, and ubiquitous missile silos. The compassionate population of 2.221 billion Harpsfordians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Beavertonfieldville. The average income tax rate is 63.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The very strong Harpsfordian economy, worth 155 trillion Used Condoms a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Cheese Exports, and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 70,206 Used Condoms, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Cyber-crime and tin-foil hat sales are both increasing at record rates, weather forecasts are accurate but nobody has the bandwidth to view them, drug lords often avoid prison time by teaching "chemistry" classes to underprivileged youth, and unpackaged foodstuffs rot on store shelves. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Harpsford's national animal is the Beaver, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Glorification of The Sacred Beaver.

Harpsford is ranked 17,917^th in the world and 790^th in Osiris for Largest Cheese Export Sector, scoring 5,513.06 on the Mozzarella Productivity Index.