The Holy Troutarky of North-Waffia is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Interpres Domitianus with an iron fist, and renowned for its zero percent divorce rate, ritual sacrifices, and fear of technology. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 12.592 billion North-Waffians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is dominated by the Department of Spirituality, although Environment and Law & Order are also considered important, while Social Policy and Welfare are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Wallia. The average income tax rate is 16.8%.

The North-Waffian economy, worth 509 trillion trout a year, is extremely specialized and mostly made up of the Trout Farming industry, with significant contributions from Basket Weaving. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 40,488 trout, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.8 times as much as the poorest.

Government bureaucrats review designs for birdhouses to ensure they do not block the views of neighbors, gardeners must genetically test weeds for unique traits before digging them up, washing-up liquid looks and smells like baby poo, and business leaders are mailing Interpres Domitianus forged birth certificates in a bid to win their rivals as serfs. Crime, especially youth-related, is well under control, thanks to a capable police force. North-Waffia's national animal is the whale, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Ballænam.

North-Waffia is ranked 179,873^rd in the world and 14^th in Banaanvraag for Lowest Crime Rates, with 58.43 law-abiding acts per hour.