The Cheesy Peoples of Hamey is a colossal, safe nation, renowned for its public floggings, anti-smoking policies, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.295 billion Hameyians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Healthcare, and Education are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of hamgrad. The average income tax rate is 90.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Hameyian economy, worth 787 trillion monies a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, quite specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Uranium Mining, Information Technology, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 125,157 monies, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

A good deed is rewarded with a thank you note attached to a deportation order, every citizen must submit to DNA testing to be eliminated from police inquiries, the country's population is reported with a margin of error of several billions, and government bureaucrats shut down teenage yard-raking businesses for being counter-revolutionary. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hamey's national animal is the cow, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is hameyism.

Hamey is ranked 177,493^rd in the world and 37^th in Qamara for Most Primitive, scoring -68.97 on the Scary Big Number Scale.