The Great Republic of Kellisterion is a massive, safe nation, ruled by Sean Wilson with an even hand, and renowned for its public floggings, frequent executions, and aversion to nipples. The hard-nosed, hard-working population of 1.896 billion Kellisterionians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The large, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Upper Kerto. The average income tax rate is 45.8%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The very strong Kellisterionian economy, worth 112 trillion Kellistoes a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Cheese Exports, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 59,374 Kellistoes, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The nation is ravaged by daily union strikes, almost every singles' party has a clergy and courtesans theme, it is common to still see adults with training wheels on their bikes, and civil servants spend most their time carrying out risk assessments for paper cuts. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Kellisterion's national animal is the Phoenix, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Lemonism.

Kellisterion is ranked 67,310^th in the world and 3,511^th in Balder for Most Beautiful Environments, with 621.42 pounds of wildlife per square mile.