The Socialist Provinces of Newgardia is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by Jarl Hrafn with an iron fist, and remarkable for its national health service, anti-smoking policies, and ban on automobiles. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 14.429 billion Newgardians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, corrupt, socially-minded government stops and the rest of society begins, but it prioritizes Defense, although Environment, Law & Order, and Education are also considered important. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kastalinn Nygaard. The average income tax rate is 96.7%.

The strong Newgardian economy, worth a remarkable 1,342 trillion Frugel Strugels a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is extremely specialized, is mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing. State-owned companies are the norm. Average income is 93,075 Frugel Strugels, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Business is banging at no-tell motels, political dissidents are cut off from essential services, masterpieces by male artists are on display in the dumpsters behind the gallery, and the government is a proud sponsor of the National Gaming Association. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Newgardia's national animal is the Fenrir, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Hepiscopal.

Newgardia is ranked 3,816^th in the world and 1^st in The Brotherhood of Malice for Most Beautiful Environments, with 2,692.36 pounds of wildlife per square mile.