The Empire of Nova Valmiera is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by King Ealstan XXIII with an even hand, and renowned for its sprawling nuclear power plants, complete lack of prisons, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate population of 5.392 billion Nova Valmierans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Priekule. The average income tax rate is 79.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Nova Valmieran economy, worth 505 trillion crowns a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 93,691 crowns, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The nation's air missiles have killed thousands of Brasilistan military personnel, elite teams of assassins have been sent into Brasilistan, 'Coloniser-in-Chief' has become King Ealstan XXIII's new moniker, and homeowners are evicted to make way for new runways. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Nova Valmiera's national animal is the moose, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Imperial Truth.

Nova Valmiera is ranked 262,573^rd in the world and 9,207^th in Balder for Most Primitive, scoring -199.24 on the Scary Big Number Scale.