The Dáxlamic Protectorate of The River Jordan is a colossal, safe nation, ruled by Lýderis Bradford John with an iron fist, and renowned for its state-planned economy, ban on automobiles, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 7.548 billion Jordanians are ruled with an iron fist by the socialist government, which grants its people the freedom to do whatever they like so long as it doesn't involve getting richer than anybody else or challenging the government.

The large, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Port Bradford. The average income tax rate is 53.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong River Jordanian economy, worth 525 trillion Dáxlamic Marks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is fairly diversified, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Furniture Restoration, and Information Technology. Average income is 69,663 Dáxlamic Marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The public health bureaucracy is wrapped in miles of red tape, murderers frequently escape punishment by claiming they were protecting their honour, witnesses have to run a gauntlet of mob enforcers to testify at trials, and the nation's reputation for treachery has left it sidelined on the international stage. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The River Jordan's national animal is the Hashashana and its national religion is Dáxlam.

The River Jordan is ranked 173,649^th in the world and 155^th in Declansburg for Most Primitive, scoring -66.89 on the Scary Big Number Scale.