The Federation of Union of United Socialist Soviet Onions is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Emperor Grandzar May Sälv with a fair hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, ubiquitous missile silos, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 3.011 billion Soviets are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, liberal government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Neubergbach. The average income tax rate is 88.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Soviet economy, worth 473 trillion Euros a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 157,111 Euros, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Schoolchildren learn an R-rated version of "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes", the nation's economic policies have a narrow area of effect, artists are pillars of society, and would-be emigrants are told "abandon all hope all ye who would exit here". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Union of United Socialist Soviet Onions's national animal is the double-headed Eagle, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Redditism.

Union of United Socialist Soviet Onions is ranked 41,411^th in the world and 478^th in the Pacific for Most Patriotic, with 31.59 flags saluted per person per day.