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Dear Testing Colleagues,

We are pleased that we did not participate in this year's explosive gift exchange event. Upon closer audit of our nation's defense capabilities, it was determined that we failed to invest in defenses against incoming "couriers". We would have ended up giving so much, and would have likely received far more. I am being advised by one of the ministers of communication to cease speaking in euphemisms and simply say "we would have been nuked enough times to kill our 20 billion citizens a hundred million times over". Your wisdom and pacificism have been duly recorded by our great Ministry of Testing. Thus do we return to the great daily grind of testing, marking the results, and writing about it in big essays.

Yours in peace,
The Testing Committee of Olvaria