The Empire of Pandoska is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Tsar Dmitry III with an iron fist, and remarkable for its public floggings, strictly enforced bedtime, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 13.927 billion Pandoskans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order, Education, and Administration are also considered important, while International Aid is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Volnytsk. The average income tax rate is 99.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Pandoskan economy, worth a remarkable 6,252 trillion Imperial Rubles a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 448,982 Imperial Rubles, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.9 times as much as the poorest.

Military pilots spend more time scraping feathers off their engines than flying their aircraft, the military will start wars with other nations on a lark, government agents scour baking periodicals for subversive recipes, and it's illegal to be caught on tape. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Pandoska's national animal is the Golden Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Orthodox Jahovism.

Pandoska is ranked 285,621^st in the world and 69^th in Saint Helene for Safest, scoring 5.28 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.