The Rodentine Seer of Malphe II is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Hazel-Malphe with a fair hand, and renowned for its smutty television, punitive income tax rates, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic population of 14.182 billion Malphaes are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal government is primarily concerned with Healthcare, with Education, Administration, and Welfare also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Defense receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Horsonopile. The average income tax rate is 72.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The thriving Malphaen economy, worth 967 trillion Nondescript Coins a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Cheese Exports, Pizza Delivery, and Information Technology. Average income is 68,226 Nondescript Coins, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Male politicians lose their jobs for staring too long at their female counterparts, the number of deaths due to poor fungus identification is mushrooming, nude art is becoming wildly popular, and Desert Woodrat is one of the most popular forenames in Malphe II. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Malphe II's national animal is the Desert Woodrat, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Cult of the Horned Rat.

Malphe II is ranked 9,254^th in the world and 570^th in Osiris for Safest, scoring 122.34 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.