The Dominion of Eastern Healthists is a massive, safe nation, ruled by The Prime Foodie with an iron fist, and remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, sprawling nuclear power plants, and unlimited-speed roads. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 2.123 billion Eastern Healthists are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The relatively small, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Underground Citadel City. The average income tax rate is 16.9%.

The frighteningly efficient East-Healtherstian economy, worth 337 trillion Cowries a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 159,013 Cowries, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.7 times as much as the poorest.

The name of the "Butcher of Bigtopia" adorns shirts across Eastern Healthists, treaties are taken to be mere rules of thumb, the Supreme Court vehemently protects civil rights and the right to privacy, and stony-faced prosecutors play loud gangster rap music during court proceedings. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Eastern Healthists's national animal is the Black Labrador, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Eastern Healthists is ranked 268,399^th in the world and 3,751^st in the Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -231.5 on the Scary Big Number Scale.