The Democratic Republic of Eli Hesial is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Eli Hesial with an even hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, daily referendums, and soft-spoken computers. The compassionate population of 13.294 billion Eli Hesialians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The relatively small, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Chona. The average income tax rate is 59.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Eli Hesialian economy, worth a remarkable 3,299 trillion Dollars a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is fairly diversified, is dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Tourism. Average income is an amazing 248,188 Dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The army consists of only generals and grunts, concerned environmentalists wipe away their tears with tissues sourced from Tasmanian old-growth redwoods, fewer people are bathing as citizens must show ration stamps before they can turn on their faucets, and it is mandatory to learn evolution in schools. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Eli Hesial's national animal is the Bear, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Eli Hesial is ranked 291,115^th in the world and 118^th in The Kingdom of Great Britain for Most Primitive, scoring -753.25 on the Scary Big Number Scale.