The Mattressian Republic of Hatchworth is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Hatchworth with a fair hand, and remarkable for its daily referendums and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 11.778 billion Hatchworthians are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The medium-sized, outspoken government prioritizes Administration, with Law & Order, Defense, and Education also on the agenda, while International Aid and Spirituality are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Hatchopolis. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 37.2%.

The very strong Hatchworthian economy, worth 716 trillion Mystery Sandwiches a year, is fairly diversified and dominated by the Trout Farming industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Automobile Manufacturing, and Information Technology. Average income is 60,843 Mystery Sandwiches, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 175,072 per year while the poor average 16,800, a ratio of 10.4 to 1.

Political speeches that drill deep into bureaucratic fine detail could be said to be a little boring, girls who wear lipstick are berated for pandering to male gazes, school lockers are filled with fancy underwear, and teenage male videogamers often suffer repetitive strain wrist injuries. Crime is relatively low, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hatchworth's national animal is the Giraffe, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Hatchworthism.

Hatchworth is ranked 81,062^nd in the world and 2^nd in 21st Century Rome for Safest, scoring 90.03 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.