The Doot of Melons is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Melon Boi with an iron fist, and notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, daily referendums, and smutty television. The compassionate, cynical population of 13.135 billion Melons are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Melonsville. The average income tax rate is 62.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Melon economy, worth a remarkable 2,635 trillion Skyrims a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an amazing 200,668 Skyrims, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Young people avoid opening doors for the elderly with impunity, a passport is literally priceless, shelters struggle to keep up with the endless intake of stray animals, and children are often observed making 'sand angels' in bunkers. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Melons's national animal is the Melon, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Melonism.

Melons is ranked 215,775^th in the world and 12^th in Just relax for Safest, scoring 29.47 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.