The First of Select Two is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Not One with an even hand, and notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, ritual sacrifices, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless, devout population of 17.183 billion Twools are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Acceptable. The average income tax rate is 96.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Twoolish economy, worth a remarkable 4,249 trillion Bills a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Woodchip Exports. Average income is an amazing 247,301 Bills, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 750,883 per year while the poor average 63,294, a ratio of 11.9 to 1.

New "Commiserations! It's An Accident!" greetings cards for expectant mothers are selling surprisingly quickly, banana distribution among collective farm workers is an important topic in public discourse, the treehouse in Pet Park is the tallest building in Select Two, and citizens need a magnifying glass and color chart to distinguish between nearly identical brand labels. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Select Two's national animal is the Pet, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is for weak people.

Select Two is ranked 248,270^th in the world and 19^th in Australia for Most Primitive, scoring -146.39 on the Scary Big Number Scale.