The Free Land of The Ferret Lands is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by The High Chief Ferret with an even hand, and notable for its zero percent divorce rate, unlimited-speed roads, and hatred of cheese. The compassionate, cynical, cheerful, devout population of 13.697 billion Ferrets are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Aavak City. The average income tax rate is 99.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Ferret economy, worth a remarkable 3,327 trillion Cacaos a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 242,928 Cacaos, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The legal system for the political class is completely separate from the one for normal citizens, hospitals fear government fines more than terrorist ransoms, new safety regulations require all cars manufactured in The Ferret Lands to be bombproof, and medical staff can legally quiet people who ask for a second helping of Salisbury steak. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Ferret Lands's national animal is the Ferret, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Nahuatl.

The Ferret Lands is ranked 289,475^th in the world and 4,103^rd in the Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -629.47 on the Scary Big Number Scale.