The Keyboard Smacking Black Cat of Valerievna is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Salem with an iron fist, and notable for its enforced nudity, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 12.836 billion Peebbles are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Spirituality, Administration, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Law & Order and International Aid are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Valerievna City. The average income tax rate is 67.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Peebble economy, worth a remarkable 2,210 trillion gold coins a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, quite specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Gambling, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 172,212 gold coins, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

The government enforces a policy of 'from each according to their ability, to each according to the available budget', money that should have gone to charities is instead spent on monitoring them, poverty is disloyal to the Motherland, and Jennifer Government is banned. Crime is pervasive, probably because of the absence of a police force. Valerievna's national animal is the monster, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Lynxism.

Valerievna is ranked 2,028^th in the world and 115^th in Osiris for Most Primitive, scoring 183.38 on the Scary Big Number Scale.