The United States of Valoretia is a massive, genial nation, ruled by Aurelian with a fair hand, and notable for its daily referendums, rampant corporate plagiarism, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 2.684 billion Valoretians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Honoretia. The average income tax rate is 91.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Valoretian economy, worth 309 trillion Jackals a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 115,243 Jackals, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

History textbook pages are used as impromptu tissues by distraught students, the national guard is mobilized whenever a mother gets separated from her child at the mall, diplomatic cables about Aurelian have suddenly been very flattering, and pareidolic SETI scientists swear there's a message from aliens hidden within pi. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Valoretia's national animal is the Ferret, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Secular.

Valoretia is ranked 275,849^th in the world and 100^th in The Kingdom of Great Britain for Most Primitive, scoring -286.59 on the Scary Big Number Scale.