The Unreal Empire of Aachenania is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Die Patroness with an even hand, and remarkable for its disturbing lack of elderly people, otherworldly petting zoo, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 2.633 billion Aachenanians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The large, socially-minded government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Healthcare, and Industry also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Aachen. The average income tax rate is 68.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The large but inefficient Aachenanian economy, worth 139 trillion Aachenmarks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, quite specialized black market in Trout Farming, Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, and Basket Weaving. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 53,005 Aachenmarks, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Students and teachers are regularly stopped and searched for symbols of religious affiliation before class, flatulent people are left to die of cancer at the end of hospital waiting lists, anti-vaxxers claim that injected children are prone to psychotic breaks when they see the 'Queen of Diamonds' playing card, and pallbearers at military funerals dive for cover when they hear the three-volley salute. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Aachenania's national animal is the Aardonyx, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is REDACTED.

Aachenania is ranked 225,420^th in the world and 72^nd in Kerbals of the North for Safest, scoring 26.92 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.