The Principality of Czarskovia is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Bing Crosby with an iron fist, and remarkable for its unlimited-speed roads, flagrant waste-dumping, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 5.181 billion Czarskovi are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Healthcare, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Saint Nicholas. The average income tax rate is 62.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Czarskovian economy, worth 538 trillion Delats a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 103,911 Delats, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.6 times as much as the poorest.

Patriots insist that size does matter, burgers often list "miscellaneous meats" in their ingredients, commuters travel in zigzags to avoid stalking accusations, and Czarskovian tourists are banned from many nations due to their tendency to randomly explode. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Czarskovia's national animal is the Brown Bear, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Christianity.

Czarskovia is ranked 177,183^rd in the world and 247^th in United Kingdom for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring zero on the Clooney Contribution Index.