The Empire of Heltan is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by Omar Husann with an iron fist, and remarkable for its aversion to nipples, public floggings, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 5.559 billion Heltanians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Healthcare, and Industry also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Palace. The average income tax rate is 73.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Heltanian economy, worth 883 trillion Golds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 158,912 Golds, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Policemen want to put the nation's homosexuals up against a wall, the most common doctor's prescription is "get out of my consulting room", the "boy who cried wolf" policy makes sick people reluctant to call an ambulance, and EULAs remind customers that "Private Mode" is a browser setting rather than a promise. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Heltan's national animal is the Wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Omar Husann.

Heltan is ranked 183,708^th in the world and 147^th in Confederation of Corrupt Dictators for Largest Publishing Industry, scoring 557.13 on the Bella Potter Productivity e-Index.