The Principality of Maartean Islands is a huge, environmentally stunning nation, notable for its compulsory military service, frequent executions, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cynical population of 229 million Maartesians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Welfare, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 57.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but inefficient Maartesian economy, worth 10.3 trillion Malacas a year, is quite specialized and led by the Basket Weaving industry, with major contributions from Furniture Restoration, Cheese Exports, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 45,051 Malacas, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Homophobia is off the menu, five-year-olds chanting "Little Miss Muffet" are accused of bullying arachnophobes, the new national mascot has to be wheeled onto the field of play, and cheese lovers have a case of the bleus. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Maartean Islands's national animal is the Golden-faced trout, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans.

Maartean Islands is ranked 76,426^th in the world and 33^rd in Lands End for Most Primitive, scoring 32.56 on the Scary Big Number Scale.