The Goofy Ahh Shmoongis Empire of The Kharkivan Cossacks is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Holy Devine God Emperor Reggie with an iron fist, and renowned for its ubiquitous missile silos, anti-smoking policies, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 1.022 billion Kharkivan Cossacks are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Industry, and Education also on the agenda, while Spirituality and International Aid receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kharkiv. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 56.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Kharkivan Cossack economy, worth 191 trillion KharKiven Dollars a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Woodchip Exports. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 187,025 KharKiven Dollars, with the richest citizens earning 7.9 times as much as the poorest.

The combined alert sound of a nation simultaneously receiving a text message is a common cause of hearing damage, antique comic book collectors are disappointed to hear that their treasures are worth exactly as little as their mothers said they were, bargain-hunting is considered unpatriotic, and all beauty contests have been banned. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Kharkivan Cossacks's national animal is the The Unholy Fuzz Ball, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Reggism.

The Kharkivan Cossacks is ranked 71,633^rd in the world and 34^th in Imperial World Nations for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 3,268.3 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.