The Empire of Ctesiphonis is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Edward I with an iron fist, and remarkable for its compulsory military service, ubiquitous missile silos, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, cynical population of 17.987 billion Ctesiphonisians are ruled with an iron fist by the socialist government, which grants its people the freedom to do whatever they like so long as it doesn't involve getting richer than anybody else or challenging the government.

The enormous, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Environment. The average income tax rate is 81.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Ctesiphonisian economy, worth a remarkable 1,032 trillion Denarii a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Arms Manufacturing, and Tourism. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 57,375 Denarii, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Cassocked priests and choirboys believe that what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors, criminals lock themselves in their mums' basements to avoid prison, former gun owners are finding that brandishing paintball guns isn't as satisfying as the real thing, and hordes of unemployed lumberjacks have resorted to cutting down utility poles to satisfy their cravings. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ctesiphonis's national animal is the Giraffe, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Ctesiphonis is ranked 259,378^th in the world and 3,633^rd in the Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -186.79 on the Scary Big Number Scale.