The Empire of Imperial Dispatches is a gargantuan, orderly nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, fear of technology, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 14.213 billion Imperial Dispatchesians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Industry. The average income tax rate is 64.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Imperial Dispatchesian economy, worth a remarkable 1,534 trillion Sovereigns a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Basket Weaving, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 107,944 Sovereigns, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.6 times as much as the poorest.

Wildlife near farms is slowly becoming extinct, the government finds the idea of having an army to be rather distasteful, the nation was recently voted as the most stylish in The Land of Kings and Emperors, and law schools are hurrying to teach the "prank defense" to their students. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Imperial Dispatches's national animal is the Golden Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Imperial Dispatches is ranked 84,682^nd in the world and 78^th in The Land of Kings and Emperors for Most Primitive, scoring 23.38 on the Scary Big Number Scale.