The Holy Gold Grand Duchy of Aserlandia is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Grand Duke Maurice III with an even hand, and remarkable for its infamous sell-swords, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cheerful, devout population of 4.848 billion Aserians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The large, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Asertia. The average income tax rate is 95.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Aserian economy, worth 940 trillion asrullias a year, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Basket Weaving. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 194,066 asrullias, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Getting an abortion takes less hassle than writing a letter, government statisticians explain census inaccuracies by declaring that "Sith happens", professional athletes juggle part-time jobs to avoid bankruptcy, and atheists on vacation find Roman Catholicism's scriptures make useful doorstops. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Aserlandia's national animal is the oriental serpent, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Roman Catholicism.

Aserlandia is ranked 282,206^th in the world and 288^th in The Land of Kings and Emperors for Most Primitive, scoring -371.97 on the Scary Big Number Scale.