The Republic of Patriotlandia is a colossal, safe nation, remarkable for its compulsory military service, free-roaming dinosaurs, and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, democratic population of 5.277 billion Patriotlandians enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Jolicoeur. The average income tax rate is 57.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Patriotlandian economy, worth 433 trillion Piastres a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Cheese Exports, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 82,235 Piastres, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Third world countries are rich in "I Love Jolicoeur" t-shirts, Eckie-Ecola has declared that their soda poop is The Real Thing, people can get away with murder these days, and the Random Number Gods do play dice with the universe (Patriotlandia has found 1 easter egg). Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Patriotlandia's national animal is the White Squirrel, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Patriotlandia is ranked 234,616^th in the world and 3,365^th in the Pacific for Most Primitive, scoring -114.75 on the Scary Big Number Scale.