The Empire of Swakala is a small, safe nation, notable for its zero percent divorce rate, compulsory military service, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, democratic population of 40 million Swakalans have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Healthcare, and Education also on the agenda, while Spirituality and International Aid are ignored. The average income tax rate is 31.3%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but inefficient Swakalan economy, worth 1.39 trillion Swakias a year, is quite specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Furniture Restoration, Uranium Mining, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 34,716 Swakias, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Citizens sell their moldy bread as homemade penicillin, the government seizes all major gold finds, Brancalandian Brie isn't available anywhere in Swakala, and returning vacationers often find that their property is now a construction site. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Swakala's national animal is the Rhino, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Swakala is ranked 215,171^st in the world and 653^rd in Two for Most Primitive, scoring -92.2 on the Scary Big Number Scale.