The Commonwealth of Hapatmitas is a massive, safe nation, ruled by Ewan Thorcaill with an even hand, and renowned for its pith helmet sales, daily referendums, and smutty television. The hard-nosed, devout population of 1.9 billion Hapats have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Donideann. The average income tax rate is 59.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Hapat economy, worth 204 trillion piobans a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Trout Farming, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 107,708 piobans, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The importance of winning Olympic gold medals is indoctrinated from an early age, citizens may cast their vote over the internet or phone, the nation is stuck in permanent election mode as politicians demand constant do-overs, and midnight raids drag couples from their homes in the name of decency. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Hapatmitas's national animal is the whale, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Christianity.

Hapatmitas is ranked 182,350^th in the world and 261^st in The League for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring zero on the Clooney Contribution Index.