The Democratic States of Guinea Piggus is a huge, genial nation, notable for its keen interest in outer space, ubiquitous missile silos, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, devout population of 439 million Guinea Piggusians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Administration. The average income tax rate is 27.7%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The Guinea Piggusian economy, worth 26.2 trillion Wheats a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Furniture Restoration, Basket Weaving, and Pizza Delivery. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 59,643 Wheats, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Guns don't kill people — heroes do, all children's clothes come in only cream and off-white to prevent offense, graverobbers claim they're acting within the interest of 'scientific preservation', and local mafias have a tough time disposing of dead snitches without catching the attention of recycling authorities. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Guinea Piggus's national animal is the Guinea Pig, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Guinea Piggus is ranked 237,542^nd in the world and 458^th in 10000 Islands for Most Primitive, scoring -120.61 on the Scary Big Number Scale.