The United Socialist States of Cauchistan is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by István Yúgčade with an even hand, and remarkable for its state-planned economy, ubiquitous missile silos, and anti-smoking policies. The hard-nosed population of 1.082 billion Cauchistanis have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of St Cauchigrad. The average income tax rate is 81.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Cauchistani economy, worth 149 trillion Krubles a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is fairly diversified, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Tourism, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an impressive 138,244 Krubles, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.3 times as much as the poorest.

The government officially wants you to slow down and speak more clearly, the government keeps introducing new foreign species to combat the previous ones it has introduced, tourists flock to see the giant stone carvings of historical leaders at Mount Rushless, and mantis shrimp studies is academia's fastest-growing field. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cauchistan's national animal is the Wild Rock, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Atheism.

Cauchistan is ranked 262,204^th in the world and 1,171^st in Europeia for Nicest Citizens, with 0.79 average smiles per day.