The Holy Buffian Empire of Buffavariastan is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by His Most Buffiness the Imperious Leader with an iron fist, and remarkable for its complete lack of prisons, ubiquitous missile silos, and anti-smoking policies. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 4.884 billion Buffets are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Fantoosh. The average income tax rate is 94.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Buffian economy, worth 669 trillion Bufflets a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is broadly diversified, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Cheese Exports. Average income is an impressive 137,034 Bufflets, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Cutting-edge missile systems are being retrofitted to twin-prop air force biplanes, banning party poppers has been a real party pooper, vaccinations are mandatory, and organ donation is compulsory. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Buffavariastan's national animal is the Hydra, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Buffyism.

Buffavariastan is ranked 281,809^th in the world and 10,465^th in Balder for Nicest Citizens, with 0.34 average smiles per day.