The United Socialist States of Dootinbow is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Karl Vlad Alin with an even hand, and notable for its multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, digital currency, and state-planned economy. The compassionate population of 8.515 billion Dootinbowers are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Leftist Utopia. The average income tax rate is 79.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Dootinbowian economy, worth a remarkable 1,421 trillion Bitcoins a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized black market in Information Technology, Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Trout Farming. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 166,909 Bitcoins, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Children's TV shows are having a gay old time, there's a hole in the heart of every Dootinbowian city, political visitors are forced to stop ten paces from Karl Vlad Alin's throne, and a girl's success in life is often linked to her performance in beauty pageants. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Dootinbow's national animal is the minion, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Communism.

Dootinbow is ranked 288,549^th in the world and 769^th in 10000 Islands for Most Primitive, scoring -579.35 on the Scary Big Number Scale.