The Bastion of Grater Tovakia is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Taco the 54th with an iron fist, and renowned for its compulsory military service, free-roaming dinosaurs, and aversion to nipples. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 12.827 billion Tovakians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The relatively small, corrupt government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Industry, Law & Order, and Education are also considered important, while International Aid and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Gavograd. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 33.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Grater Tovakian economy, worth a remarkable 2,298 trillion Denarii a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Uranium Mining, and Information Technology. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 179,217 Denarii, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 506,603 per year while the poor average 50,723, a ratio of 10.0 to 1.

Orientation videos remind rookie female politicians that slaps on the bottom are perfectly acceptable forms of communication, liberals and conservatives try to disqualify each other's candidates on the grounds that "their ideas would never work in the real world", greenhouses are regularly raided by the police, and most towns have their Taco The 54th High School located on Taco The 54th Street. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Grater Tovakia's national animal is the Falcon, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is Augustism.

Grater Tovakia is ranked 257,144^th in the world and 124^th in Lands End for Most Primitive, scoring -177.1 on the Scary Big Number Scale.