The Grand Kingdom of North-Bardonia is a massive, safe nation, ruled by King Erich I Leftenson with an iron fist, and renowned for its infamous sell-swords, frequent executions, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 1.749 billion North-Bardonians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Carthiada. The average income tax rate is 63.2%.

The frighteningly efficient North-Bardonian economy, worth 284 trillion Krown-Starlings a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Tourism. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 162,394 Krown-Starlings, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.3 times as much as the poorest.

The government is deliberately installing bloatware onto computers, advert breaks are played at lower volumes to make them easier to ignore, a weakened police force struggles to maintain law and order, and citizens are tied down and forced to watch educational videos on empathy. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. North-Bardonia's national animal is the Phoenix, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Old Faith.

North-Bardonia is ranked 282,860^th in the world and 153^rd in Lands End for Most Primitive, scoring -382.05 on the Scary Big Number Scale.