The Government of The Celestial Lands is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Tiffany Meier with an even hand, and remarkable for its smutty television, anti-smoking policies, and ritual sacrifices. The compassionate population of 28.221 billion Celestians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, liberal government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Environment, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Universal City. The average income tax rate is 92.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The thriving Celestian economy, worth a remarkable 2,010 trillion Bitcoins a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is solely comprised of the Information Technology industry. Average income is 71,251 Bitcoins, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The 'kind of scrawny' 500 meter hurdle is a popular event, criminals and college students are taking an interest in the government's new weed-killing program, only AI know why the nation is rapidly increasing its semiconductor stockpile, and cash-strapped junkies lick rabbits for a cheap high. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Celestial Lands's national animal is the Arceus, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Lunacy.

The Celestial Lands is ranked 266,809^th in the world and 9,530^th in Lazarus for Most Primitive, scoring -221.18 on the Scary Big Number Scale.