The Grand Duchy of Thessalian is a gargantuan, genial nation, ruled by Grand Duke Erasmus with an even hand, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, anti-smoking policies, and ban on automobiles. The compassionate, cheerful population of 31.745 billion Thessalites enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The large government prioritizes Education, although Healthcare, Environment, and Social Policy are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kallisti. The average income tax rate is 99.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Thessaline economy, worth a remarkable 8,908 trillion gold muslis a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing and Tourism. Average income is an amazing 280,642 gold muslis, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Workers for the environmental protection agency are patted down for tartar sauce every morning, Grand Duke Erasmus has been nicknamed 'Robomop', the latest national park is visited by more sharks than people, and the Treasury has been accused of flushing money down the toilet. Crime is totally unknown. Thessalian's national animal is the reindeer turtle shark, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Esterazism.

Thessalian is ranked 149,326^th in the world and 1,881^st in the West Pacific for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 450.59 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.