The Republic of The Islands of Colwell is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Prime Minister Colwell with an even hand, and remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, irreverence towards religion, and absence of drug laws. The compassionate, cheerful population of 16.204 billion Colwellians enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The large, liberal government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Colville. The average income tax rate is 80.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Colwellian economy, worth a remarkable 1,935 trillion Colwellian dollars a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 119,454 Colwellian dollars, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Diplomatic fallout tends to be much more dangerous than radioactive fallout, Prime Minister Colwell's new door-knocking campaign has the sweet taste of success, Prime Minister Colwell has promised 'power to the puppies', and the intelligence community is playing 4-D chess with an imaginary spy network. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Islands of Colwell's national animal is the Dragonfly, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

The Islands of Colwell is ranked 264,071^st in the world and 9,340^th in Lazarus for Most Primitive, scoring -205.76 on the Scary Big Number Scale.